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On Being A Guest and Traveling

View from our villa in Saint Agatha

We are traveling through Italy, and I have so enjoyed the beauty of this country but also the kindness of strangers and our hosts. Sarika and I have been using Airbnb throughout the trip. 

I have so loved the experience of enjoying a well-lived home wherever it may be. In the rush of leaving, we left the place orderly, but we did not wash the dishes. Later on, our host would send us a note with feedback, that it would have been nice if we had washed the dishes. She said it was requested in the house rules.

Upon learning this, I felt embarrassed and a bit disappointed in myself. If I were in any family or friends place, I would surely have washed the dishes and put the sheets into the washer, etc. But, at this Airbnb, I assumed that washing of dishes were a part of the cleaning fee for the apartment. 

I began to see that I had relied on the ethos of “transaction” of renting the apartment to set the ground rules for engaging with our hosts. We were customers and our hosts were selling a product. That being said, they did not treat us as customers, they treated us as their guests. They brought all these extra toys for Lila, and went above and beyond to help us get situated and feel comfortable. They entrusted us in their home with 300 year old furniture and a well-lived home, which was comfortable and welcoming. 

Sarika and I spoke about this and would reflect further about the role of kindness, what it means to travel and our desire to not simply be consumers of beauty and experiences. Even if we were paying for the apartment, perhaps washing dishes so the work of the cleaning service would be a little lighter that day. 

I am left thinking about my automated ways of thinking as a consumer. I am humbled by the graciousness and kindness of our hosts. And, the desire I have to practice kindness wherever we go, but the inner spaciousness to notice my assumptions and actions.

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Communicating with Kids (from Mr. Rogers)

Some much of my formative years was spent enjoying watching Mr. Rogers. Now, as a father, I hope I can bring some of his communication skills to being a father.

Mr. Rogers’s Simple Set of Rules for Talking to Kids – The Atlantic

https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/mr-rogers-neighborhood-talking-to-kids

He insisted that every word, whether spoken by a person or a puppet, be scrutinized closely, because he knew that children—the preschool-age boys and girls who made up the core of his audience—tend to hear things literally.

Fundamentally, Freddish anticipated the ways its listeners might misinterpret what was being said. For instance, Greenwald mentioned a scene in a hospital in which a nurse inflating a blood-pressure cuff originally said “I’m going to blow this up.” Greenwald recalls: “Fred made us redub the line, saying, ‘I’m going to puff this up with some air,’ because ‘blow it up’ might sound like there’s an explosion, and he didn’t want the kids to cover their ears and miss what would happen next.”

State the idea you wish to express as clearly as possible, and in terms preschoolers can understand.” Example: It is dangerous to play in the street

“Rephrase in a positive manner,” as in It is good to play where it is safe.

“Rephrase the idea, bearing in mind that preschoolers cannot yet make subtle distinctions and need to be redirected to authorities they trust.” As in, “Ask your parents where it is safe to play.”

“Rephrase your idea to eliminate all elements that could be considered prescriptive, directive, or instructive.” In the example, that’d mean getting rid of “ask”: Your parents will tell you where it is safe to play.

“Rephrase any element that suggests certainty.” That’d be “will”: Your parents can tell you where it is safe to play.

Rephrase your idea to eliminate any element that may not apply to all children.” Not all children know their parents, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to pla

“Add a simple motivational idea that gives preschoolers a reason to follow your advice.” Perhaps: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is good to listen to them

“Rephrase your new statement, repeating the first step.” “Good” represents a value judgment, so: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them.

“Rephrase your idea a final time, relating it to some phase of development a preschooler can understand.” Maybe: Your favorite grown-ups can tell you where it is safe to play. It is important to try to listen to them, and listening is an important part of growing.

There he was exposed to the theories of legendary faculty, including McFarland, Benjamin Spock, Erik Erikson, and T. Berry Brazelton. Rogers learned the highest standards in this emerging academic field, and he applied them to his program for almost half a century.