What do I know? Nothing.

I know nothing. Absolutely, nothing. The more I have experienced, the more I have learned, the more individuals I meet, the more books I read, the more I realize: I know nothing.

The larger circle below depicts everything there is to know in the universe. The tiny orange circle, depicts everything I know (Should be smaller, but the program I use to draw these things couldn’t go smaller). The wedge signifies everything I think I know (i.e. my ego; also, not drawn to scale;)

Despite “knowing” the above is true, saying I don’t know has almost become taboo for me. I don’t know is like admitting defeat. I don’t know is being in third grade and not knowing my multiplication tables.  I don’t know is being in 7th grade and the teacher keeping me standing in front of the class for one hour until I was able to define what an antecedent is. Today, the things I don’t know seem bigger but equally crippling:

What do I want with my life? The “life purpose” question. The holy grail of all questions.  The question that perplexes so many of us day-in-and-day-out, like a stray dog that was cute at first but then won’t stop following you or like a fly that keeps buzzing in your ear.  We interview for a job and ask ourselves: Is this what I want to do with my life? We start a job: Is this what I want to do with my life? We have a bad day at work: Is this what I want to do with my life? We have a fight with our significant other: Is this what I want to do with my life? We become disillusioned by a project we are working on: Is this what I want to do with my life?

Stop Asking: “What Do I want to do with my life?” Every time you ask yourself this question, you diminish the power of a moment or the day-to-day possibilities. Gandhi believed in service. Every day; every hour; every minute. That’s just what he did. Mother Teresa believed in service. Every day; every hour; every minute. That’s just what she did.

Be happy: As the Dalai Lama says: Write down what makes you happy, do those things.. Write down what makes you unhappy, don’t do those things.

Here are a list of things that make me happy:

+ Spending time with loved ones
+ Serving others/giving myself (See On Passing Around Smiles)
+ Watching movies
+ Contributing to something bigger
+ Solving problems
+ Yoga
+ Reading books that inspire me
+ Spiritual study
+ Meditation (See The Whale I Saved (or, So I thought))
+ Good conversations
+ Traveling
 
Here are a list of things that make me unhappy:
 
+ Not being honest with myself
+ Feeling lonely
+ Wanting everything (See I want my own Ted Talk)
+ Being hungry
+ Trying to please everyone
+ Negative people
+ Feeling unhealthy
+ Arguing over pointless things

What about you? Write them here and review from time-to-time.

What are you doing next? I ask myself this everyday — what is next, what is next, what is next — I am like a kid at a candy store that just wants more and more candy. What’s my next big project? What’s the next step with my relationship? What is the next step with my job? The chairman of the management consulting firm I used to work for always said, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” Slow and steady wins the race.

Be present. Enjoy. “Alexander the Great and his mule driver both died and the same thing happened to both.” – Marcus Aurelius. Whenever you start to take yourself too seriously, remember we are just passing. Write down 10 things that you are grateful for and then go give yourself (Go to HelpOthers.org for ideas)

Trust. When Maxwell Plank was receiving his Nobel Prize for the Maxwell’s Four Equations (without which I would not be typing this post), he said after all my studies of the universe I must conclude that there is some higher power that is keeping the matrix of the universe working.  Call it whatever you like — Karma, God, the Universe, Cosmic Justice, etc. — but the dots always connect looking backwards. (Thanks Steve Jobs!)

What do you do?  The infamous and “go to” question at any social gathering. What we do with our time, helps people categorize one and other. Are you a doctor? Are you a lawyer? Are you a waiter/waitress? Are you doing “nothing?” I have a love/hate relationship with this question because it enables me to “group” who I am talking to into a preconcieved category. And, I hate this question because it “groups” me into a specific category.

Recently, I asked someone, “what do you do?” the person kindly responded: taking a break. The conversation ended. I felt like a jerk. Who knows…maybe she didn’t like her job and she quit, maybe she was fired and maybe she loved her job and quit because she was tired — my question assumed there was a function to her existence beyond being human. We are always doing something. Perhaps, the better question is “What puts a smile on your face?”

Be kind. Practice compassion. Be kind for every man has his or her struggles.  Are you ever ruminating and how bad of a morning, day, month, year, decade you are having? Look at the next person that passes you on the street  — imagine his or her struggles (Maybe he or she has a mean boss? Maybe he or she is lonely?). Consider all the people around you — imagine all their struggles. Consider all the people in your neighborhood? City? State? Country? Continent? World?

We are all doing our best, and sometimes we have better ideas of the answers to the above questions than at other times; however, learning to settle into the space of not knowing takes practice. Learning to get comfortable with uncertainty creates peace in not knowing. But, honestly, “Que sais je?” (What do I know?) Nothing.

Resources and Related Links:

The Experimental Life: An Introduction to Michel de Montaigne: One of my favorite articles on Michel De Montaigne that helped me to begin questioning what I know.
Gratitudelog.org: Write down what you are grateful for everyday here.
 
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The Whale I Saved (or, so I thought)

I opened my eyes and there was a gargantuan whale laying on the beach. How would we keep it alive? How would push this behemoth creature back into the water? How would we keep ourselves from getting knocked by one of her fins?

The creature was nearly 50 feet long and horizontal to the horizon. I began walking around her just to understand the scope of the challenge. I saw her struggling to breathe; I passed her eye and saw the look of fear in her eyes; I saw her yearning for help.

We began our plight to keep this beautiful creature alive and get her back into deep waters. I split everyone into groups: one group to keep her hydrated, another to prevent her from being scorched by the sun; and, another for getting the equipment in place to tug her back to ocean…

***

I opened my eyes, shook my head and laughed to myself. The elaborate tale about the whale I helped save was simply a story I dreamt up during a morning meditation by the beach during my yoga teacher training. Here is how I got to the point of saving whale:

What Happened Elaborate Story In My Head
I was sitting by the ocean. I can’t believe I am sitting by the ocean meditating…
I was sitting by the ocean. I wonder if there are any whales in these waters…
I was sitting by the ocean. I wonder what we would do if a a whale got beached….
I was sitting by the ocean. Lights, cameras, action: My elaborate story about how I saved a whale begins….

During my yoga teacher training, we would meditate for 30 minutes at 6AM and 6PM. 99% of the time, here are some of my reflections:

We wake up in the morning and start writing the movie of me: we write the movie, we direct the movie, we write reviews on the movie…and then get depressed about it. ~ Krishna Das

Mind = Storyteller: Whether I was meditating or not, the mind will do its job: think. The more I resist thinking, the more thoughts persist (i.e. the more I tried not to think about saving this whale, the more I thought about it). Everything in our heads is our interpretation of some events. I was simply sitting by the ocean, but somehow in 30 minutes a whale got beached and I led a bunch of friends to save the whale!

Whether we are working, meditating, hanging out with friends or anything else, our minds are on autopilot and interpreting events by whatever has grabbed its attention at that moment. The more we notice the stories — the more we can create the story we actually want.

 Don’t worry that you can’t concentrate… no one can concentrate. ~ Buddhist Lama

Concentration/Focus: Phew, when I first heard the above quote — I breathed a sigh of relief. Despite my best efforts — meditation, mindfulness practices, yoga and more — my mind still jumps around. Often when I was sitting to meditate during my yoga teacher training my mind would go through the following cycle of random thoughts: “Hmm…I wish my cushion was a bit higher…I wonder what I am going to eat later… Oops, I am supposed to be meditating…I wonder what is going on in everyones heads…Ohh, I wonder how my friend is doing…Dammit, why can’t I focus! Oops…I probably shouldn’t curse while I am meditating.”

The fascinating thing about meditating consistently was that it forced me to pause and ask: What the hell is going on in my head?

In the beginning of meditation, your mind goes something like this:

Thought A …Thought B…Thought C…Thought D…Oops, let me focus on my breath…Moment of Focus…*Repeat*

After meditating consistently for a couple months,  your mind goes something like this:

Thought A …Thought B…Thought C…Oops, let me focus on my breath…Moment of Focus…*Repeat*

Whether it be meditation or day-to-day life, I think the most important thing is to learn to observe the mind and learn to gently and kindly catch yourself in a story.

Breath: What do you do when a baby starts crying? You distract it by waving a toy or give it some love and affection. I think we are a lot like babies, but we use sleeping, drinking, eating, watching TV, surfing the web, etc. to distract ourselves. In meditation, we don’t have our distractions (our “toys) and we are forced to see our thoughts and emotions. The only way to give ourselves relief from the barrage of thoughts is our breath.

The mind is a muscle and meditation is like doing cardio for your mind. As the Dalai Lama says, I meditate for two hours, unless I am busy. If I am busy, I meditate for three hours. The more “control” we have over our minds, the more we can create the life we authentically want, rather than something based on the stories in our heads.

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*Photo from the Boston Public Library

I want my own TED Talk.

I want my own TED Talk

I want to change the world. I want to have a beautiful wife and kids. I want to travel the world. I want to be physically fit. I want to meditate every morning. I want to wake up early every morning. I want to go to sleep at a good time. I want to be with friends. I want time to myself. I want to be yogi. I want to be adventurous. I want to be risky. I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to teach yoga. I want to run a triathalon. I want to write a book. I want to be wealthy. I want to run charities. I want to make others happy. I want to make myself happy. I want…everything.

(*Catching my breath…* Phew, that was a load off my chest. Try it, it’ll feel good.)

Five years ago, I worked as a management consultant — I earned good money, loved my coworkers, and enjoyed the work. But…there was a problem: I did not feel like I was changing the world; I did not feel fulfilled; I did not feel important. So, I packed my schedule: I started training for the NYC marathon, raising $3,500 for Livestrong, chasing a girl who was not over her ex (bad idea), working on my ideas for a website that would change the world, developing pro bono consulting plans for the firm I was working for, and studying for the GMATs (because I wanted to go to a fancy business school).

Here is what happened: I finished the marathon, raised $3,800, stopped chasing the girl who was not over her ex (horrible idea), stopped working on ideas for a website that would change the world, developed plans that were not successful in convincing my firm to do pro bro consulting, and I would rather not mention my unsuccessful GMAT score. Or, in summary:

It’s a disease. I wanted more; I wanted more perfect; I wanted more happiness. I thought all of those things were integral parts of my growth as an individual. In a state of continual competition with myself and others, I got caught up in a wild goose chase to grow, grow, grow.

Lesson 1: Ask why? And, then ask why four more times. Looking back, I thought all of those things would make me happy, but, in reality, a lot (probably most) of it was my ego.

Lesson 2: Slow down. I thought the more quickly they became a reality, the sooner I would be fulfilled — not so much 🙂 Slow and steady wins the race. The chairman of the management consulting firm I used to work for always said, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” He started an amazing consulting firm, took it public and sold it, and is now battling (and hopefully winning) cancer.

Lesson 3: Focus. Doing one thing really well is better than doing 10 things not so well, but even more importantly, it would have given me the space to enjoy.

At the end of the marathon, I was walking side-by-side with this old woman in her late 70s or early 80s.

She looked at my grim face and said, “You just finished a marathon, smile!”

I fake smiled and attempted to raise my hands. I wasn’t feeling that happy or even that I excited. I asked her, “Is this your first too?”

Beaming, the old lady said, “Nope, it’s my 20th.” I could see that she ran for the sake of running and nothing more.

Lesson 4: Accomplishments (or Outer Conditions) ≠ Happiness: Our control on the outside world is limited , temporary and illusory. We think if we can gather all he conditions to be happy, then we will be happy. To have everything to be happy dooms the destruction of happiness because if something is missing we will not be happy. (See the wise words of Matthieu Ricard here).

Lately, as I am figuring out my next steps in life, I have been thinking about: What do I want? What is important to me? What path should I take? I hope I can learn from my past and my previous post 🙂

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